lanae17

xxoxoxoxoxo

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 04:42:05 GMT

right know i'm sitting at lacy's on her couch beside eddie. lacy and i both worked tonight well i worked a double, we closed at 8 but people were still coming in the door at 7:45. what a bunch of assholes. so we misssed christmas at my grandma's since we were born. lacy was sad but i could care less.

the house smells like food because lacy is cooking for us. as i typed this eddie said "it does smell good though"

i got my first seeding ticket on the way to nashville tuesday. but almost $160 was totally worth it. i loved seeng andria and i can't wait to move.

ben drove all the way home to sterling va sat morning. his car sucks and i worried all day until i got word he made it.

well i think i'm goinh to feed my face now.

yea yea yea

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:13:27 GMT

i love you
so what

well well well

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 18:49:43 GMT

i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move
i fucking hate princeton
i can't wait to move

turkey day

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 17:59:19 GMT

what a load of crap thanksgiving day is. it just an excuse for my family to be around me and tell me what i'm doing wrong with my life. and no one is thankful. no one wants to be there but they feel like they have to, they've gotten so lazy that they go out instead of cooking. and i have to go because it might be my grandma's last thanksgiving, and she has been saying that for 5 years. blah blah blah.

i can't wait for christmas.

i took a break(sort of)

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:23:46 GMT

i went to nashville monday night. it is 3 hours away but totally worth it to get the hell out of indiana. i feel like i'm smothering there. i need to get out of experience life. i need to be on my own.

tuesday i had lunch with andria. we just missed the buffet by like 30 min. damn chinese buffet. why close down at 2:30? as she was driving me back to ben this horrible song came on and we just yelled all kinds of nonsense to make it better. no joke we did this for the entire song. i wish we would've had more time to hang out.

then i just did nothing. it was great to be able to just sit and not have to worry about work or school. i myspaced, hung out with luke, then took a nap and waited for ben to get off of work.

around 5 we decided that dinner and a movie was the best thing to do so, we ate at outback, went to chili's for desert, and saw stranger than fiction. i strongly suggest the movie. it was really good.

we got home and watched transformers the movie (the old cartoon one). it's a lot darker than the cartoon on tv. people die and it's sad, not really for kids.

i slept until 2 the next day. i love being able to sleep in. it's like a hobby i love doing but i never have the time.

had lunch then drove the 3 hours home. what a sad sad drive that was.

oh no

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 19:48:36 GMT

i might have gotten myself into a pickle.

i love when you call me and you're all tucked in your bed.
i love knowing that my voice is the last thing you'll hear as you drift off to sleep.

late night

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 16:55:30 GMT

how many people do you know that would drive across a state in the middle of the night just to see you?

not too many?

that's what i thought.

i know if that means i'm crazy...or just crazy about you...

horoscope

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 18:41:00 GMT

i read my horoscope last night, and even thought i'm almost positive that those things are bullshit, it was surprisingly accurate.

ha! who knew...

anyway i am totally bored out of my mind. i guess the whole brake time together is falling through so i spend most of my time alone in the library, which isn't all that bad.

and i think. sometimes i think i think too much.

i think about how hard everything is going to be, but there isn't anything here for me. i don't want to sit in pointless classes and read pointless books and do pointless assignments. and then just settle on some career because i'm sick of school.

what a horrible horrible fate that would be.

follow your dreams right?

right?

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:56:23 GMT

the rain is cold and my umbrella doesn't serve as the shelter i need.
i don't know why, but its days like these i think of you the most.
i need you.
can't you see that?

weekend recap

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 18:25:27 GMT

friday: this day was spent finding brittany a halloween costume. no joke we looked for 4 hrs. it rained all damn day and was all in all a shitty day.

saturday: this day started out horrible because i had asked off of work like in august and still had to go in. then i was there for like 5 hrs. then things started to look up when i started getting ready for the halloween party. but then i got there and it was totally lame. oh and pretty much got called a whore. awesome. i drove home, fell asleep at the wheel and almost hit a parked car. i do do do believe in god.

sunday: the best god damn day of my weekend. we fished at eddie's then went to lacy's for some good food and some mario kart. it was a great day.

2514

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:10:39 GMT

so i've come back again
but you can't let me in
okay i understand, just so you know
i've twice lost site and roamed
made you feel alone
and i know you're my whole, just so you know
will you let me come home

change of pace

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 18:39:20 GMT

today i realized that things are going pretty well, which is a nice change. i've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, and things that didn't make any sense are crystal clear now.

wonderful

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 15:35:29 GMT

i had to be in the hospital this weekend which sucked. i couldn't eat basically all day firday and then when they decided i could have food it was liquids. and i missed 2 tests while i was in that place. basically the only thing that kept me sane was that my mom was with me the whole time. and i had jade to talk to at night. i love her. she would do anything for her friends and everyone should realize that.

i have come to the conclusion that you can't trust anyone. and that the human race as a whole pretty much sucks. i'm not saying everyone, but almost everyone. i'm in a weird mood. i'm just so pissed off. i just want something to go fucking right for once. i want to feel wanted and not such a loner. i want things to be the way they used to be, but i know it never will. i can't wait to get the hell out of here. i go next month to talk to a lady about my school and to look at apts. and jobs. i think ben will help me find a good deal. maybe lacy will move with me.

wishes

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 15:50:23 GMT

i just wish someone would tell me what's going on. i see myself slowly being pushed away. i hate the feeling you have when you feel like you don't have anyone to care about you. like everyone is just looking over you because they forgot you were there. i've realized i'm am stuck. i don't want to be but i can't do it alone, and there is no one here. my thoughts will keep me company.

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 19:53:38 GMT

so i'm on campus right now, but i'm not going to any of my classes because i am officially quitting school. but don't worry i plan on going back. i just only have about 6 credit hours from last semester and if i keep at the rate i'm going i'll only have 6 from this one. it's a waste i think. i can be working and saving money. i pretty much suck at school anyway, well i suck at anything that has to do with responsibility.

to catch everyone up(i say everyone like people actually read my journal) but i have broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. i guess i got tired of pretending that we were this perfect little couple that was going to live happily ever after. i wasn't happy and he wasn't either so i did what i thought was the best thing to do. i guess i was trying to salvage some sort of friendship with him but i doubt that will happen. i do still love him though i mean how can i not. we were going to get married and we had already named the kids. wow it's crazy to actually say that.

now i am trying to live up the single life...well kind of. i'm sort of seeing this guy ben. he is pretty much one of the best things on the face of the earth. hes a nice old fashioned boy. but he lives in nashville. i like him a lot but i'm trying to get out of super serious relationship mode. i do want a relationship with ben but it's hard since we don't live in the same place. phone calls and the occasional visits will do for now. he makes me smile. yeah i know lame lame lame but oh well i guess i'll just live in lames-ville.

things are........

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:42:13 GMT

come one come all
to watch the car crash
the car crash that is my life
tickets are on sale now

him

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 23:28:18 GMT

it is so confusing
i don't know what to do
should i keep you around
or just be through with you
sometimes it's so scary
what i might to today
should i just say nothing
or say what i want to say
i wish you would love me
the way i need to be
instead of putting yourself first
in the position that belongs to me
i say i won't put up with it
but we all know that's a lie
because i'm the on with a smile on my face
when all i want to do is cry
i don't want to be the one
pretending everything is okay
because i've done that long enough
and it ends today

speechless

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 03:04:01 GMT

last night....fucking weird. i don't even know what to think. there isn't even a word i can think of to describe it. now i'm kinda okay about it. but last night....fucking weird.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 06:20:40 GMT

you are my forbidden fruit
that is what you are
something i can never touch
i have to admire you from afar

ringing the new year....badly

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 05:52:47 GMT

for the new year i was at nate, graham, jason, and ryan's. it was an okay party. there were some tools there but it was good. then around 1-ish i saw that i had a missed call. it was from my boyfriend ryan. i miss him a lot and i really wanted to talk to him, but he was drunk and mad. i make him sick evidently. and the phrase fuck you came out. it's strange how after it all i still love him. he is a huge part of my life and i know if i throw it all away it will damage me beyond recognition, but will it damage me more to keep it?

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 11:14:48 GMT

alright it's a little past six in the morning. i am sitting at cassandra's apt. and i am a little pissed. so i am going to vent. here it goes.

recently my boyfriend and i broke up. then he came home for christmas and we got back together. when he was home i noticed that he had an account on face the jury. so i found him. and he has alot of sluty bitches on his friend list. i guess he can have a lot of sluts that want to hook up with him on his list on that but i can't have anyone with a penis on my friends list on myspace. i think that smells a little like bull shit. it might be dumb to be pissed over something like this but right now i don't really care. and on his status it says single, which isn't a big deal since mine says that still on myspace,but it also says that he is there for dating. i don't know maybe i'm just something he has on the side so he has something to come home to when he is on leave. ok ok that was really shitty, i didn't mean it totally but i meant it alittle. i feel like maybe i'm not good enough for him and that i don't excite him so that's why he has all these skanks' pics to look at. i know he loves me but that doesn'tstop people from doing things. hes like me. he needs someone to be there for him. now hundreds of miles away. maybe we were silly to get back together. i'm just affraid that he will break my heart all over again.

love stinks

grades

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 05:18:03 GMT

so i found out that i got a D in two of my classes. which isn't really failing but in the world of college it is. so i took 2 classes for nothing. SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!! oh well there's next semester and lauren, graham, and i are going to rock volcanoes and eruptions. that's all for now.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

beans

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 19:57:17 GMT

i'm sitting in mu usual spot in the la computer lab. it's really quit in here. everyone looks really buys but i bet they are busy doing a lot of nothing. i kinda spilled the beans the other night. i hope that doesn't come bite me in the ass later. i just need to get over that whole thing anyway.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 19:49:04 GMT

will you tell me
what i should do
should i cut my hair
and get a tattoo
should i dye my hair blonde
and get a tan
tell me what to do
because i don't understand
when was it not good enough
to just be me
i'll change just for you
i'll be what to want me to be

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 17:24:12 GMT

so recently i've come to the conclusion that i suck. i don't know why i do but i just do. it's weird. i'm alright with it. i need to get my priorities in line i guess. i need to figure out what is important to me. i'm not quiting school so i think i go up a notch to not sucking. but then i have to figure out what i'm good at so i can have a career. what am i good at?...............